How does one put into words how it feels to be born. I guess there are none? That is why we are tiny babies who can not speak of the true Miracle of a new life. For this is one thing that will forever be a moment we all experienced, but never talk about. We have all heard people talk about death, but no one of the moment of LIFE.
I am blessed to be able to experience two lives in one. What you have done for me, is to give a voice to my death, and share my journey to what its like to be born. My obesity, my denial, my anger, my shame, my ridicule I see as my gestation. My Obesity kept me safe and warm. Until one day things became overwhelming and uncomfortable, and I just had enough of carrying all this stuff around. My weight loss was my labour. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I hated every moment of it, and wanted to give up. But I had to stay focused as to why I wanted to lose and see the end result as so much better than the overwhelming anguish, both mentally, and physically of trying to win a huge weight loss battle.
Me, before surgeries was my Birth. You Dr. Phil were the first one to see me, really see me, and assess some problems. Dr. Ellenbogen cut my cord and released me from what I no longer needed to sustain me. The Skin that once housed my fat that blanketed me and made me feel safe.
Dr. Ellenbogen –This journey of physical discovery you took me on these past few months, is my MIRACLE. During my post OP for my last stages of surgeries, it still after everything didn’t register that I had a new body. That this was no dream. That this was truelly my dream come true. When I was in one of your examining rooms, and all of your staff came in the room to see the new me, just seeing all thier faces and reactions to what I NOW looked like and truelly witness how gifted your team really is. I broke I cried uncontrollably. At that moment I knew that I finally looked like how I pictured I would look like all those months and years ago when i made the choice to lose. For the first time I felt ALIVE, On Purpose, and seen life through new eyes. My inside now matched my outside.
I do not take one moment for granted. Everyday I look at myself and say WOW, thank you. To have this new body. Its overwhelming. Even I take a double take and find myself just looking…. This is really me? This is my new life in my new body. Sometimes even I don’t know how to act. Sometimes I carry myself like I did at over 300lbs. But now I have to learn for the first time, to be SEXY, and don’t feel I need to appologize for being SEXY. I am now Jennifer both inside and out. No Hiding, No shame. The old Jennifer is long gone. A mere thank you will never be enough, through my body, my mind, and my soul this is MY MIRACLE, MY GIFT.
Thank you DR PHIL for seeing the me that was hiding, and taking my hand and guiding me out from behind my shame, to meet the people I see as my HEROS. The people who seen what I could eventually become through thier expertise, when I could NOT. I surrendered to become one of thier works in progress, to eventually become one of their masterpieces.
Everyday for the rest of my life I will look in the mirror and be reminded Of someone seeing my worth, YOU DR PHIL. I looking at my body everyday for the rest of my life and be reminded of Dr. Ellenbogen because, I NOW see physical beauty, from a body that once told a story of hardship, low self esteem, anguish, abuse, hatred, and shame. A lifetime gift of a dream that they said yes to, to manifest into life. A thought is the concepetion of the words that will eventually manifest your reality.
How does a mere thank you express all of that? Until theres a word to suffice How I feel about what you all have done for me. I guess A thank you is all I can do. But day in, and day out, I will take care of your work. I will never Allow any remote damage to happen. For I am truelly a masterpiece, till I draw my last breath, I will be gratefull. To be one who was once over looked to one who is now Looked Over….
With my most humble appreciation and lifetime gratitude…*